I turn 50 in 2 hours, give or take. It feels different than 30 or 40. Weirder. I don’t feel 50. But the years go by. I feel some need to say something. Like if there was anything I’d want people to know. If I had one chance to make a declaration after living 50 years, what would it be?

It would be this…

I have been so blessed. I was born to parents who taught me the most important thing. I have a husband of 31 years who loves me and lives life with me. I have had the absolute privilege to help raise 2 great kids and watch them become amazing people. I have experienced many joys and gifts in this life.

The only reason I am still on this earth and thriving at any level is because of a person who has saved my life. When I cried out to Him for help with everything in me, He literally picked me up out of a pit that would’ve never let me go.

I have also done abusive things to others in my own self-coping. He forgave me and my guilt is gone.

I have experienced betrayal so deeply I didn’t know how it would ever be possible to feel in one piece again. But His love and care for me has brought healing to my heart.

When I felt forsaken, unheard by Him, despairing, He still was there and patiently whispered truth. He coaxed me to listen, to whisper it myself, and eventually believe it again and find my lost song.

He has taken care of me through people. My parents, my husband, children, family, and community of friends.

There is so much in this world that is ugly, painful, wearing down. But He remains to be what I really need as I go. I don’t run empty because of Him. I am never really alone because He is with me. And promised to never leave me.

He is Jesus.

I know He’s real, because I’m alive and I have joy. Happiness is not guaranteed, but joy under it all, because THE BEST IS YET TO COME. I know He’s real and not just in my head.

In committing my life to Him, I know HIs sacrificial death paid the punishment for the wrongs I’ve done. I am forgiven. I am free of the weight that guilt brings. He lifted it off.

I know He rose from the dead and lives still, because He is with me always. He lives in me. HIs power that triumphed over death gives me the power to do what is right when my nature alone wouldn’t choose it.

He is real. He is alive. And He’s available for the asking.

I can’t steer the journey of anyone else. All I have is the ‘eyewitness testimony’ of what I have experienced in my life because of Him. What I have seen of Him. What I have sensed Him speaking. The reality, that He who is unseen, is more real than what is seen.

I would not be here if not for His person and His Word, the Scriptures. An amazing, beautifully, woven tapestry from start to finish. When His presence, His Spirit with me, shines through it to illuminate its beauty and reveal Himself, it has been the very lifeline to save, lead, and sustain me.

This is my declaration.

Any good that I have

Any good that I am

Is because of Jesus.

Thank you Jesus for all that you’ve been to me, these 50 years.

I owe you everything.

-Shanna